The Playboy Anthology
I read Playboy, but only for the Greek epigrams. – nobody ever
I am here, Corinna, in my own country,
And I am beneath the oaks of my father,
And before me is a view of his meadows,
The brown heifers low and browse in the clover… – Brown, ‘Letter to a Lady’
The brief the editors had given me for the series was simple enough: illustrate the stories faithfully and make sure the period costumes were accurate... By the time I came on board, Playboy was an entertainment empire and the highest paying magazine in the world. – Holland
They must have plots... Their ribaldry must be romantically or sexually oriented... hey must have humour or irony... They must be short... Finally, they must be briskly readable, and that’s where we come in. Almost all the great classics of ribald literature are either unavailable in English, available in stilted, lackluster translations, or available in translations made a long time ago... So we set about obtaining completely new, fresh tellings of these tales. – The Editors of Playboy
Throughout the work I have sedulously sought to preserve the ancient Grecian manner of thought and, so far as possible, expression. – Wallace Rice.
1969 sequence in editio minor arrangement
Paulus Silentarius August table d’hôte at a beach colony 5.275 (ish)
Rufinus A new way to wake Finnegan, maybe 5.14
Philodemus Letter picked at random from Dr Geriatric’s morning mail 5.112?
Rufinus Social note from our bedroom-sports page 5.35 (ish)
Philodemus Postsunset misunderstanding, of sorts, at a singles bar 5.46
Automedon Soliloquy of an insufficient sailor on shore leave 11.29
Gallus An interesting approach to chamber music 5.49
Rufinus Snippet from an exchange of girlish confidences 5.43
Philodemus 5.46
Good day. Good day to you. And what’s your name?
What’s yours? No need for deeper questions yet.
The same to you. And don’t you have a man?
I do — whoever wants me. How about
Dinner with me tomorrow? If you like.
Good! What’s your rate? You needn’t pay up front.
That’s odd. Just pay me what you think I’m worth,
After you’ve slept with me. You’re very fair.
What’s your address? I’ll send word. Take this down.
What time will you arrive? The time you like.
I’d like it right now. Well then; lead the way.
Hi, chick. Hello. What’s your name? What’s yours? Phil O’Demus. And you are...?
Mari-Jayne. Nice name, doll. You here with some stud? No.
Will I do? Well... all right. Done! Say, you wanna blow the joint now?
I beg your pardon? I mean, find a more active spot.
Well... I dunno. Where, for instance? My pad. I’ve stereo, soft lights,
Jack Daniel’s. Well... all right. You’ll come, then, M.-J.? Anytime.
How’s about coming right now? Heavens, you’re eager. Correct, chick.
Well, I’d prefer your pad, but... all right, that corner booth’s dark.
Gallus 5.49
Lyde am I, who quickly services
Three for the price of one. I take the first
Above the waist, the second down below,
The third, behind. I can accommodate
The pederast, the devotee of girls,
The oral addict — simultaneously.
You’re pressed for time? I’ve two in; don’t hold back.
Lydia, taking recorder lessons from three French-horn men, in bed,
Serves as the instrument for their baroque fingering (sic).
These offhand hot licks ignite her. ‘Oh, Gallie’, she raves, ‘please let’s form a
Septet! This supple recorder still has four unused holes.
1970 sequence in editio minor arrangement
Macedonius Consul Besides which, who ever heard of a wet umpire? 5.235 (ish)
Asclepiades An antifulminous man frequently maketh for a full woman 5.189 (ish)
Paulus Silentarius A fair exchange is no loss, it says here 5.290-1
Marcus Argentarius ‘Share and share alike’ – this is democracy? 5.127
Marcus Argentarius Lamps, bless their hearts, aren’t computers 5.128
Marcus Argentarius Possible double-exposure by a couple of guests-to-be 5.104
Anonymous Darling, it’s more fun than a barrel of oysters 5.83
Meleager Well, that’s show biz 5.175 (ish)
Meleager 5.175
I know your oath to me is hollow air.
Here is the clue to your debauchery:
Your locks, that waft a scent of fresh-dipped myrrh.
Here is another: puffy, sleep-robbed eyes.
Look at yourself! The dent of binding thread
From garlands that you wore about your hair;
Your tousled ringlets were not long ago
Ruffled and dirtied, and your every limb
Totters from drinking undiluted wine.
Be on your way, girl who was shared around;
The Sapphic lyre is calling you, that loves
The drunken revel; calling you as well
The hand-struck clatter of the castanet.
‘What do you mean, the cast had to rehearse the whole night through?
Your show’s been running for weeks. Don’t give me that crap, Peg.
Your lipstick’s – Look, if you’d told me you’d been in a Marat/Sade rumble,
Writhing under the nuts, stage center, it’d make sense.
You’ve done your hair differently, too: damp and matted.
What’s this new style called –
Mr. Bedpal’s Medusa Coiffure, contrived in his Awl-Nite Salon?
While you’re still on your feet, pack up, Peggy. Get out, and go move in with Bedpal.
My next ingénue, you can bet, will only do daytime.
Asclepiades 5.189
Long night, and storm; the Pleiads halfway set;
And I pass by her doorway in the rain,
Pierced by desire for her who lied to me.
What Cypris shot at me, it was not love:
It was a poison arrow from the fire.
When I finally found Marcia’s pad, it was three A.M., pouring rain, thunderous,
And I was stoned (a shocking thing for a shaftsman to be);
But late arrivals and drunkenness don’t disturb Marcia in ways that
Thunderstorms do. ‘My hero – how I’ve needed you!’ she cried.
Quickly, while she pressed against me, trembling at flashes, I set up
My lightning rod, then put it to good use. Marcia was soO(!)Oothed...
But when the tales are [ancient or mediaeval], editing alone does not usually suffice. Writing is often necessary – even a stem-to-stern retelling, a passing-on of the basic story in contemporary idiom while remaining faithful to the spirit of the original. ‘Remaining faithful to the spirit’ is important: jazzed-up travesties, complete with current slang, denude a ribald classic of the patinated charm it should possess. – The Editors of Playboy
Some further reading
· Buck, M. S. (1916), The Greek Anthology (Palatine MS). The Amatory Epigrams. Completely rendered into English for the first time (n.p.)
· Fraterrigo, E. (2009), Playboy and the Making of the Good Life in Modern America (Oxford).
· Haas, R. (2011), ‘Homer on the range’, CW 104: 245-51.
· Lawton, P. (2012), ‘For the gentleman and the scholar: sexual and scatological references in the Loeb Classical Library’, 175-96 in S. J. Harrison and C. Stray (eds.), Expurgating the Classics (London).
· Nisbet, G. (2013), Greek Epigram in Reception (Oxford).
· Nisbet, G. (2018), ‘Kenneth Rexroth: Greek Anthologist’, 184-209 in S. Murnaghan and R. M. Rosen (eds.), Hip Sublime (Columbus OH).
· Rice, W. (1927), Pagan Pictures. Freely translated and fully expanded from the Anthology & the Greek lyrical poets variously augmented by modern instances ((New York).
· Roberts, D. H. (2008), ‘Translation and the “surreptitious classic”: obscenity and translatability’, 278-311 in A. Lianeri and V. Jajko (eds.), Translation and the Classic (Oxford).
· https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brad_Holland_(artist)
· https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/harry-brown
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